I’ve been out on the campaigning already today, but while there’s a lull in the action, I thought I should design a drinking game for watching the results come in, as drinks will probably be required whatever happens.
The drinking game consists of watching your preferred results show, and drinking in three phases – the pre-10pm and exit poll phase (up until the exit poll data comes out), the pre-results doubts and anxiety phase (from the exit poll until the results start coming in), and the main phase, when the results start properly flowing in (around 2am until you get too tired or sad, and go to bed).
You’ll want to drink using a relatively low alcohol content drink (beer, or cider or similar), as it could get pretty heavy!
Phase One:
Level one requires some prep. This phase can be skipped if you spend a decent amount of time in the pub first!
Before 10pm everyone playing guesses how many seats they think each party will get, e.g. (allowing me a fantasy!), splitting the parties into two categories:
A) Labour: 350, Tory: 226, Lib Dem: 10, SNP: 40
B) Green: 1, Plaid Cymru: 4, DUP: 9, Alliance: 2, Sinn Fein: 7, Brexit: 0
Get your guesses ready, and when the exit poll predictions come out, calculate how far off you were for each. For the A) group, drink one finger of your beverage of choice for every 5 seats you are in error by (rounding down). E.g. if you guess 350 for Labour, and the exit poll says 300, that’s 10 fingers. And the same for the other three A) parties.
For the B) parties, take one finger for every one you’re off by.
Add up all your fingers and set a time for yourself to complete them by, e.g. 10:30.
Phase two begins immediately, so pay attention to your drinking debt, and keep an eye on your Sky News or BBC news results coverage.
Phase Two:
In this phase you’re trying to forget about how upsetting the exit poll estimates were. To that end, you’ll watch out for the following, and drink the associated amount:
- A quite ridiculous graphic is used to illustrate swing, the house composition or anything else (one finger)
- Anyone even mentions UKIP (one finger)
- An utterance of Boris’s stupid catchphrase – “Get Brexit done” (one finger)
- Someone says “Portillo moment” (two fingers)
- Anyone suggests the pollsters “got it wrong” (two fingers)
- Pictures of queues outside polling booths after 10pm (probably just an early game feature – two fingers)
- Anyone talks about climate change (drink continuously while this happens, as the crisis is ongoing and very serious)
Phase Three
In phase three, all the rules from phase two apply, but you’ll also be keeping an eye out for the actual announcements of results.
Here you have a choice. Pick a team: blue or red.
If you pick the red team, drink one finger of celebration for every Labour gain, but two fingers to drown your sorrows for any Labour losses.
If you pick the blue team, same rules switching the Tories for Labour.
In addition, whenever at a count, the totals for a Monster Raving Loony Party (or similar comedy candidate, like Count Binface, pictured below) are announced, drink three fingers.
Good luck, and drink responsibly!
Joe Slater: A Rantspace 